I’m coming into the journey.
In years past I was a staunch believer in destinations: finishing what I started. Achieving my goals.
I was adamant in the conviction that accomplishment, be it monumental or insignificant, was the focus. Push through and finish the task to revel in the achievement. Process is important, yes — but completion is the key to satisfaction.
That drive spurred many a tear of frustration; nonetheless, I accomplished much.
But at what price?
Joy, peace, contentment… those gifts were spuriously traded for achievement. My heart, propped by a few moments of accomplishment, grasped some sense of false worth.
I hope I’m wiser now.
Thirty years have passed since that girl began adulting — so many footsteps into the unknown. And somewhere in the middle of it all, grace came to encounter me, such grace. The unraveling started and eventually I stopped trying to knit myself back together, trusting instead that I would somehow learn to feel whole in the middle of the process. To find satisfaction in the messiness of a journey not yet completed.
And here I stand.
There’s not much which falls into the things done category of my life-list. Far too much hovers, incomplete. But it matters less. Because I’m abandoning that soul-prop — that sense of worth tied to accomplishment, embracing instead the climb towards further up and further in. It’s an arduous journey and at times, more than I can bear — but I was never created to shoulder that burden from the beginning.
And as I stoop, breathing the potent scent of wildflowers along the way, it’s a bending of relinquishment, spurring so much joy.
Instead of the constant rehearsal of lists and methods, I’m tuning my ears to the melody which He whispers over me. In order to catch hold of the music, my striving has to cease; so I lean into His arms, at rest. He leads me in the dance, and I notice that the things which I was born to accomplish are already written in the sky. I laugh at the thought that any effort of mine could achieve what only God could dream up.
And that simple sound releases freedom.
Best of all, beauty waits along the way — step by glorious, difficult step into the more of Him.
So there’s no fear in the mess. Because every unfinished piece left dangling, every hairpin turn in the path is actually an opportunity — a chance to grow closer to His heart, where all the unfinished business of my life comes together in a symphony of joy. His delight is always in me. I feast on His presence and we revel in our togetherness, wholly satisfied.
It’s always been about the trek towards Him. I simply hadn’t seen it in those early years. And even now in the knowing, it’s still a discovering.
What a breathtaking journey.
Photo by Lance Nesbitt