Handful of Pennies

Handful of Pennies

This one is for all those mommas.

Those dauntless women who might have a precious little clinger under two and maybe a passel full of other priceless clutchers and hangers-on in various stages.

Because sometimes you may feel just a mite smothered with all the sloppy love-tokens and sticky grab-a-holds and continual I-need-you’s?

I recently took a glimpse at a young momma’s unspoken cry for help, subtly pictorial and yet so blatant.  And it all came flashing back. That day so many eons ago when I took my husband to the airport to send him soaring into the next challenge while I had to turn back to a car filled with tiny faces of expectation.  Peeping nest-bound birds with mouths gaping, longing for whatever nourishment of body and soul I could scrape together.

And I was slammed with the urge to run.

Just to jump the fence and flag that plane bound for who-knows-where and fly.  It froze me cold and fired me with a burning to live larger. To taste what life looked like outside the walls of my safe haven and indulge in a bit of reckless daring.

Then came memories of the moments when I would sob in the shower, convinced I couldn’t do one more day. I had these four gloriously crafted basins needing to be filled, but this cracked pitcher of a momma kept on leaking.  And who was going to replenish me when I got drained to the dregs?

Why didn’t anyone tell me it was going to be this hard?

Amazingly enough, the Giver of all grace saw fit that my anchor held. And those flaming longings for adventure and daring, those heart cries for fulfillment and just plain more, well, they found their place.

I learned to grow up into the richness of contentment. The beauty of gratefulness. But I gained more than that.

I learned that to give myself wholly, no hold-backs, was the most glorious adventure of all.  To pour all of me into all of my little ones by the mighty power of the Spirit brought a deeper fulfillment than any wild excursion or fantastic adventure might ever do.

Because I was created to invest.

To deposit treasure with a pay-off so rich that I could be the Queen of Sheba for all my wealth. Like any decent financial planner can tell you, those get-rich-quick sparks lead to nothing but empty disappointment.  A wise investor plans with an eye to the future, waiting for the ripe return.  Yeah, there’ve been countless days when I’d much rather splurge deep at Nordstroms than tuck away those few pennies. And the self-denial…ouch.  But the glory of the reward is so far exceeding what I could have imagined in those tough days of everything being just so hard.

So I carried on, day after golden day, reading countless books, snuggling, wiping tears and bottoms, correcting and disciplining.  Loving and laughing.  And training. So much heart training. Tucking away those pennies.

Today, I’m the Queen of Sheba.

Hang in there, momma.  Invest wisely.  Lean hard into the One who created you to lay a foundation which will never be shaken.  Learn to die to yourself, allowing Him to be all your strength in the weakness, all your contentment and thankfulness.

And take joy in these golden days.

You’re far, far richer than you know.

Photo by Josh Wray (#josh_wray)

Handful of Pennies